My week beginning 9th July 2018

Monday

What kind of adults buy a pool that looks like a boat, but isn’t actually a boat?! After donning my perfect captain’s outfit and pulling the best poses in my “boat”, I still couldn’t sail away. Disappointing adults!

Tuesday

Saw some bigger girls playing football today. Walked straight up to them to introduce myself and join in. They kept kicking the ball to me. I don’t know why everyone is so obsessed with this World Cup malarkey, it’s not like playing football is hard. All you do is smile at people and they pass you the ball. Easy!

Wednesday

I had my first ice lolly today. Usually Mummy tries to eat them with her head in the fridge so that I can’t see, but today I wouldn’t be hoodwinked. Cried like hell until she gave in. Sat in silence as I ate it to prove to her how well behaved I can be when I get my own way.

Thursday

We went to the Mall today and I got to meet a Gromit statue. Saw the sign on his stand saying “do not climb”, but of course I am a rebel so I climbed right on top, sat down and posed for Mummy. She was dead chuffed!

Friday

Apparently stuffing a bear is a fun thing to do. This is what Mummy took me to do today. So we had to choose what empty shell of a bear we wanted, then stuff it to the brim with a super noisy machine, then put a heart inside for extra discomfort and kiss it for extra germs, then finally we pulled the stitches tight in his back. But apparently this isn’t barbaric enough. We then picked out an outfit for the poor thing to make him look ridiculous and then stuffed him into a box to carry home, leaving his dignity back in the shop. I keep giving him hugs because I just feel so sorry for the darn thing.

Saturday

I have had the BEST time at the festival the last 2 days. Today I did lots of fun things: Daddy rode on a train with me, I sat in the driving seat of a real fire truck and in the back of a real police car, I stole other kids’ balls, got strangers to play football with me, stole Mummy’s ice cream and I even got to meet a real dinosaur called Rex. Last night Mummy and I went right to the front of the crowd, in front of the stage, to watch Scouting for Girls. I was confused because when she briefed me on the festival, I thought I’d actually be allowed to go scouting for some girls. I let her get distracted by the band then I took Dumps scouting for some girls instead. He now calls me a “babe magnet”

Sunday

My adults took me to a castle today to show me where they got married. When we got there I was really disappointed to find out it wasn’t a bouncy one. I decided to make the most of it though by running around the grounds and exploring. My adults had other ideas. They decided to recreate one of their wedding photos of them kissing on the bridge, but with me this time. They thought it was cute. It was just embarrassing really.