Our 2020 Christmas Gift Guide

Christmas Shopping is a little different this year and many people are shopping online and choosing to support small businesses. I have created this gift guide based on our experiences and opinions of toys we have put to the test in 2020 to give you our top gift recommendations for babies aged 0-12 months old, 12-24 months old and toddlers aged 2-5 years old.

Please have a flick through and if you see anything you fancy checking out for yourself a bit more, please find the direct links on this page, below the gift guide.

I hope you will find it useful! Happy shopping! x

Here are your direct links:

For babies aged 0-12m:

For babies aged 1-2 years:

For Toddlers aged 2-5 years:

For the whole family:

Best online small businesses for stocking fillers:

An open letter to my son on the night before his first day at pre-school.

To my little Prince

This evening I have packed your bag for your first day at pre-school tomorrow. I tried to enjoy it, but the truth is that I just don’t feel ready to let you go. I know how quickly pre-school will help you to develop and grow and I feel a little of a loss already for my baby as you start this new chapter. But I know you are ready yourself and it would be selfish of me to hold you back.

We’ve talked about it a lot today. You understand where you are going and you are now telling me that you’re going to “play with toys and friends”. You tell me that it will be “fun” and that you want to go. I’m so proud of you and it’s only fair that I share you with a bit more of the world.

As your mummy, I am worried about you though. So, so many worries going through my head tonight: will you be OK using the potty / toilet there, will you eat well, will kids play with you, will you play nicely with them, will you miss us, will you be happy, will you pick up any illnesses, will you want a nap, will you be comfortable in the clothes I’ve picked out, will the staff understand what you’re saying, will other children call you a girl because of your beautiful hair, will you make good friends, will you cry, will you feel lonely, will you have fun….

My worries might seem daft to others, but you are my baby and your happiness is such a priority to me. Out of all those worries I have, my biggest is that you will feel lonely. I really, really hope you make friends quickly and have lots of fun. I already can’t wait to pick you up for you to tell me all about it….. and I’ve not even taken you in yet!

If I could whisper in your ear throughout the day, I would remind you that you are so loved, you are so special and you make me so happy. Oh how I wish I could give you those reminders throughout the day.

You are a wonderful little boy and they are so lucky to have you.

With my love always,

Mummy x

The honest confessions of a mum with a newborn during lockdown


2 months old. That’s how old my baby was  on 19th March when we had to self isolate due to us all having a persistent cough: a virus symptom. During our isolation, on 23rd March a national lockdown began with no idea of when we can see our families and friends again. So here are my feelings about this situation and my thought process.

I’m worried people won’t love my baby as much as my toddler. As heartbreaking as that sounds, it’s even more heartbreaking to think because it’s true. I am genuinely worried that people won’t love my baby as much as they love our other son. I’m worried that he’s not able to bond with anyone and they’re not able to bond with him. I’m grateful for social media and for family etc to be able to see what he’s up to, but they can’t physically see him and he can’t see them and it tears me apart thinking how much time is slipping away. I ask myself how can they love him just as much without having this time with him, to see his changes and development and to be the reason behind his smiles and laughter. I can’t stop crying about it: in the bath and at night. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about these feelings because they might just tell me I’m being stupid or something. Of course you can love someone unconditionally without really knowing them, but is unconditional love enough? What about a love that’s built on memories, moments, a bond…..? I want that for my baby and as a mother I should be exposing him to opportunities for this and I can’t. It’s a feeling that physically hurts in my chest when I think about it.

I’m also anxious that my baby’s development will be delayed. Will his social skills suffer? Will he lack confidence? Will he struggle in social gatherings? Will he be cautious of new people? Will he struggle to make friends? Will he trust people? Will he be happy in the company of other people? Will meeting people make him uncomfortable? Will he find it difficult to build relationships – to love and trust people?

So many questions and no answers. People may think they know the answers, but reality is that nobody could possibly know the affect this will have on my baby. It’s not happened before. People can’t time travel. We are in uncharted territory at the moment and as a mum I worry about the impact it’s having on my baby, much more than my toddler who has already developed such skills in this area.  It’s only when you have a newborn baby at home with you that you realise how much they take in every day and how everything affects them. Yes he doesn’t have a clue what’s going on in the world, but for him this is normal and that very idea is what terrifies me. His normality is a far cry from our usual, every-day lives as a family. Will he adjust ok when things change for him? I have no idea.

I feel robbed of our time together, just him and I. His older brother should be in pre-school 3 days a week now. This is a reason we waited for this age gap so I could have time one-to-one with him, just like my eldest son had. I had so many plans for the baby groups and play dates we should be attending and memories we should be making- as just a mother and her son. I feel like I’m grieving for those lost moments because although we will have some when this is all over, we would have already lost so much time and experiences we were meant to have together. I’m trying to take the positive from it being that the two boys now have the opportunity to form such a lovely and strong bond together, but I still feel guilt that I can’t give my baby all of me throughout some of the days.

So those are my confessions: brutal and honest. My head and my heart are hurting right now and I’m locked in a battle with myself about what kind of mum I’m supposed to be to my baby. I’m keeping him safe, which is the most important thing, but what is the sacrifice? None of us really know yet.

What does Instagram mean to me?


What does Instagram mean to me?

There’s a question I’ve been made to think about recently. Unfortunately like other “influencers” I have finally faced some criticism about my use of Instagram. I knew it was going to happen at some point and after building my page for almost 3 years I felt emotionally prepared for it. What I wasn’t prepared for though was that the criticism came from those who should be some of our biggest supports. Apparently not, and that’s actually so sad. So after being told by people you love that they don’t agree with you blogging, you find time to think about why you blog and why your Instagram page is so important to you. So here goes…

Top 5 reasons why I run our Instagram page:

  1. To make, keep, support and love my insta mum friends.
  2. To support small businesses and shop small.
  3. To share my own personal and honest opinions and experiences as well as read those of other people and broaden my perspective.
  4. To review items and share honest reviews with other mums.
  5. To provide my boys with experiences and things that I otherwise wouldn’t be able to provide for them as a stay at home mum.

First things first: my top reasons above for running my page now are different to the one reason I set the page up in the first place: because of my love for traditional and vintage baby clothes that I couldn’t get on the high street. This is of course still one of my reasons for using Instagram, but as my page has developed (and my stash of traditional baby clothes has grown), my top reasons feel more important now.

So let’s talk about reason 1: friends.

Mum friends are priceless. Nobody gets you or understands you quite like a friend who is experiencing these things with you. Once you become a mum your whole existence revolves around you child(ren) and your life becomes a new challenge you’re not sure how to face: cue Mum friends. They feel you, they know it, they sympathise, they advise, they laugh things off with you, they reassure you, they are your biggest cheerleaders. Because we are one big team on this journey called motherhood and if you want to talk about your baby’s poop – your mum friends are there!

Instagram has connected me with so many wonderful mum friends: many of whom I feel I can talk to about anything and we chat without judgment. How lucky am I to “meet” such great friends that I never would have crossed paths with if it wasn’t for Instagram. We support each other, make each other laugh, rant together, tell each other when we are over reacting, pick each other up, are honest about disagreements and we are always there.

That right there is mainly why I use my Instagram page as I do – to connect with these mums.

Reason 2 is also very important to me: to support small businesses. This became an unintentional habit as I shopped for traditional clothing for Otis as a baby. But that habit soon turned into a passion and now if I need something I always ask myself if I can get it from a small business first before automatically going to a big brand. Because the difference my money makes to the family behind that small business is huge.

The criticism I have faced has mainly been a result of reason 3: to openly blog about my own personal opinions and experiences. However blogging is a great outlet for me and it helps me keep a diary of my children’s development and experiences. As well as that, blogging allows me to connect with like-minded mums; and also some mums with different opinions too that I equally love to read about (see reason 1 above). I think that in a world where social media is important, blogging is a vital part of that media. And when you blog, there’s no point writing anything if you’re not going to be open and honest with your thoughts. You can’t please everyone so what’s the point in trying.

I like to discuss things that are good to share perspectives on. I have chosen never to blog about breastfeeding Vs bottle feeding, baby immunisations or not, baby ear piercing, rear/forward-facing car seats, cry it out parenting etc. I choose my content carefully and none of my posts are created to “mum shame”. We are all one big team, despite our differences (again, see reason 1).

Reasons 4 and 5 pretty much go hand in hand. As our page has grown we have unintentionally fallen into the “influencer” title. Unfortunately it’s a title that has been given negative associations, but actually so much good comes from social media influencing. For a start, advertising and marketing is bloody expensive. We are talking outrageous costs to get products seen on billboards, TV, radio etc. So many brands, big and small, spend their marketing budgets on social media influencing instead because it makes sense from a financial point of view: they get advertising, photos, videos, exposure reviews… often for just the cost price of a product, which is a lot less than the retail price. At the same time mums and families are given products that they may not be able to afford to buy, or even items they wouldn’t have usually tried but then end up loving. As well as this as influencers we get to write real and honest reviews, to advise and give tips to other mums about new products on the market that they may find useful. We don’t review things we are unhappy with. We don’t make up positive reviews for the sake of having something for free, businesses want genuine reviews and feedback of their products. Yes of course it’s nice to get a gift once in a while, but there’s so much more to the whole process.

So that’s pretty much it really – that is why I love running our Instagram page as I do and why I will continue to do so. It’s not there to judge people, to mum shame, to think I’m better than anyone, to show off or to just get freebies…… if you know me, truly know who I am, you will respect why I run our page so proudly and why it’s so important to me and support us with it.

10 easy activities to do with toddlers using things you already have around the home!

Unfortunately we have found ourselves during a time where it isn’t safe to leave our homes and so some of us find ourselves isolated in the house with a toddler to entertain. During this period there can also be some uncertainty about money and so I have put together this guide of 10 quick and easy activities you can do with things already around your home. These play and craft ideas are not only intended to keep your little one entertained, but they also encourage fine motor skills too. I hope that you will enjoy trying them out and that they inspire other easy ideas for you too. Please do comment to let me know how you get on!

1) Peg animals


As you can see from the photo, I chose to do this craft with a paper plate I had spare, but this could be done with any piece of paper or cardboard, even an old envelope etc. Just cut out a lion face shape and encourage your little one to position pegs around like a mane. This could also be done with other shapes pieces of paper: hedgehogs, dinosaurs, turkeys, spiders, octopus, monsters, flowers… endless possibilities!

2) Leaf animals


This next craft re-uses the paper from my the first craft, only this time I have replaced the pegs with glue and leaves from my garden. And if you have no glue, don’t worry! Your little one will have just as much fun just placing the leaves around the shapes.

3) Mini trees


For this activity, all you need to do is cut out some tree shapes from cardboard. Your little one can then get to work sticking different shapes / colours / types of leaves on them. Once they’re dry, use toilet roll tubes to stand them up by putting a little snip in ether side of the tube!

This craft is a favourite with my little one because he can then use the trees in his play scenes with his animals and cars etc.

4) Threading


Yet another super easy and quick activity to set up! All you need for this one is some old cardboard and a shoe lace. Cut out a shape from the cardboard: this can be anything from a flower to just a strip of cardboard. I went with a simple strip. Make some holes in it with scissors and encourage your little one to thread the lace through the holes. This is fantastic for hand-eye coordination.

5) Rainbow sticks


All you need for this is an old box, some felt tips and cotton buds. Designs a colourful picture on the box that has blocks of colour in it. I chose a simple rainbow. Make some holes in the colour areas big enough to fit cotton buds into. Colour tips of some cotton buds to match the colours on your box then challenge your little one to put the correct buds in their matching colour sections!

6) Colour matching


This activity re-uses the cotton buds from activity 5, but these can be replaced with coloured bits of paper instead.

Create a colour sequence on a strip of paper or cardboard and encourage your little one to match the cotton buds to the spots in your sequence. Engage with them by asking them about the colours and counting them.

7) Washing dishes

Give your little one some responsibility for cleaning up by encouraging them to do their own dishes. Give them a bowl / tub of  warm, soapy water and sponges and provide some child-friendly kitchen items for them to wash-up: their own meal items work best for this. After they have washed them, help them use a tea towel to dry them too. They can do this as many times as they want, if they’re anything like my little one they will play with the water for ages!

8) Flower art


This one is lots of fun for those who love to make noise! To begin with, collect some flowers and / or different coloured leaves from your garden. This is nice to do together. Put a sheet of paper on a table and get your little one to position the flowers and leaves on top, however they fancy. When they have finished, place another piece of paper on top and let them bang on top of it with a toy hammer. If you haven’t got a toy hammer, lots of kitchen items are suitable such as a spoon etc. When they’ve finished, life off the piece of paper, remove the flowers and leaves and admire their new piece of artwork.

9) Sock matching


Lay out lots of odd socks on the floor / table and encourage your little ones to find the matching pairs (make sure the matching pairs are all there!) To make this more fun you could even add clothes pegs and get them to peg the matching socks together. Afterwards you can even encourage them to divide the socks by colour and or get them to lay them out by size: shortest to longest!

10) Bath time for toys!


This one is pretty self explanatory really: just set up a mini bath for your little one to bathe their toys. This could be any plastic toys: from dolls to dinosaurs! Give them some flannels, sponges and baby wash and then encourage them to towel dry their toys afterwards too.

Covid 19: Social Distancing

We are social distancing at the moment. That means: no friends, no play dates, no playgroups, no church, no parties, no football lessons, no moo music, no nursery, no visitors. But I am absolutely *determined* that Otis doesn’t recognise this change. I want him to enjoy every day so much that he doesn’t notice the turmoil the world is in currently. I want his smile to be so big that it banishes even my own anxieties away from my thoughts.

I want him to be as happy as he was on Tuesday. These are the photos from our little family day out on his birthday on Tuesday. I say “little” because we were only out for an hour and a half, but as you can see that was plenty of time for lots of smiles, laughter and happy memory making!

Our kids are watching us. They will remember this time. They are learning how we cope with stress and uncertainty. I want to teach my boys that we respond to it without panic. That we make the most of the opportunities we have to just be with each other: no schedules, no time restraints and no distractions.

Instead we have the chance to embrace fresh air and have a new gratitude for freedom.

We have a chance to look up at the sun, watch the trees move in the wind, listen to the rain on windows and be grateful we are living for today.

We have the chance to be grateful for living and not just existing.

We have a chance to acknowledge what we took for granted and really love the world we have built.

My labour and birth story with Eddison, 16/01/2020

My labour story: Part 1 | the latent phase

On weds 15th Jan I woke up at 3:45am with some cramping. This continued all morning and at 6:42am I rang my Mam. I left Andy to sleep until 7:45am then I told him I’d been cramping repeatedly for 4 hours and my Mam was on her way via train. He got Otis ready for nursery then said “should I pick your Mum up from the station then go to work?” (😂in denial I think!) I informed him it would probably be best if he stayed home today!

My Mam arrived at 10am and I spent the morning in my labour space, bouncing on my ball. Then my cramps / tightenings (I refused to call them contractions) slowed down until 12:00 and they stopped. I felt in despair and disappointed. I worried that I had never been in labour and I had wasted my Mam’s time. My Mam suggested we get out of the house for a bit so we went shopping at the Mall and had lunch. Whilst out, the cramping returned and had definitely stepped up in intensity. During our meal at Cafe Rouge I really started to struggle with the contractions as I was sat down at the table. I wanted to stand, but I also didn’t want to create a scene. By the time we got home at 5pm (after picking Otis up) they were more frequent and still intense.


The contractions (there was no doubt in calling them that now) continued through the evening and my team helped get me through: as I stayed on my ball in my labour space, my Mam gave me a back massage with the help of Otis, Andy gave me a hand massage, my dad recorded the times of every contraction and they all kept me company. At this stage every contraction made me stand and hold onto the table.

After putting it off for a while, I took 1 paracetamol at 9:40pm – that was my first pain relief. During contractions, I found strength through the affirmations I’d put on the wall, in particular focusing on the ones that said “my body was designed to do this” and “I can breathe through this contraction”. I found they helped me concentrate on my breathing as I said the words in my head. I rang the homebirth team at 11:13pm to finally tell them I was in labour and that I wanted to go to the freestanding birth centre (Cossham). I was heartbroken to be told “I’m afraid we can’t open Cossham due to not enough staff” and I felt panicked as they wanted to make plans with me to go to the birth centre at the hospital instead. They offered home birth, but of course I hadn’t organised a pool or anything. I was absolutely gutted after fighting twice in pregnancy for my right to go to Cossham. I expressed how anxious I was about returning to the hospital and I asked what time they would have enough staff. They said 7:30am. I told them I was coping ok at home for now, but would ring back when I needed to and feeling like my choice had been taking away from me, I reluctantly agreed to “pre-booking” a room at the hospital.

Feeling deflated, at midnight I sent everyone to bed knowing I’d need them to have energy the next day. Soon after, the home birth team rang me back with the best news – they had put out a plea in a WhatsApp group and someone extra had offered to come into work for me and I could now go to Cossham.

At 00:30 I laid down on the sofa to try and rest, but every contraction made me throw myself upright again. At 1:30-2:30am I went in the bath hoping to ease the pains, but ended up taking 2 more paracetamol at 2:50am. Inbetween laying down and having a bath, my labour space at home became really important to me. I bounced on my ball alone with the lights off, candles lit and my labour playlist playing.

At 3:12am I called the homebirth team again and explained I was now struggling to cope and we made plans to get ready to leave the house and meet them at the birth centre. I woke up Andy and my Mam and told them what happened: Andy and I got ready and went to the birth centre whilst my Mam and Dad stayed with Otis until 6am then took him to my friend’s house who had been on standby for weeks!

My labour story: Part 2 | established labour

Thurs 16th Jan

We met Julie (midwife) at the birth centre at 5am. The room was set up for us: dim lighting, sensory lights and the pool had been filled. After an examination she said “fantastic, you’re well over halfway” and “your baby will be born today”. I didn’t know how many cm dilated I was and this bothered me at first, but actually it was great not to obsess over a number. I was relieved not to be sent home.

I continued to labour without pain relief, bounced on the ball and Andy set up my playlist. At 7am I finally had a show. Mam & Dad arrived at 7:30am and shortly after, my Mam attached my TENS machine to me. At 8am Julie was replaced by my midwife Kate. I really liked Julie so this change slowed my contractions down, but they picked up again as I quickly developed a trust in Kate too.

I was examined at 9:30 to check on progress and was absolutely devastated to be told I was 5cm and had been 5cm when we arrived 4 hours earlier. Baby still hadn’t moved down or gotten in the right position. We started talking about my options which included breaking my waters and at that point I broke down. I completely lost myself for a little while because that’s what happened with Otis: I didn’t progress, my waters were broken and because there was meconium in them, we were blue lighted to the hospital at 8cm where I then had an awful experience and poor care. And I knew because Eddison was overdue, there was even more of a risk of him pooping. I cried. A lot. And I couldn’t stop.

Kate knew how vulnerable I was about the thought of going back to the hospital and so agreed to re-examine me in 2 hours instead of intervening. My Mam took me out for a walk around the birth centre and a reality check as I had totally lost emotional control at this point. She helped me re-focus and with her encouragement and my TENS machine, I spent some time lunging and doing squats on the stairs to try and encourage baby to move down. When I returned to the room I decided to “put my game face on” and put my full face of make-up on so that it would stop me crying again. It worked, I suddenly felt empowered. I put on my playlist, my mam gave me a nice hand & arm massage & Kate put some calming essentials oils in the diffuser. Andy and I laid on the double bed for a little while and had a cuddle and I nodded off for a couple of minutes between contractions.

At 12:00 I was re-examined & was shocked to hear I was now 8cm!

My labour story| Part 3: Eddison’s birth

Before the examination, I’d convinced myself nothing would have changed and I’d have to accept some form of intervention. When Kate said the words “I’ve got good news for you Holly” I cried. Then I smiled and then I laughed. Being told i’d progressed to 8cm made me emotional with relief. I also felt proud I’d managed to get to 8cm with just my TENS machine. After the examination Kate asked if I wanted to get in the pool now and I couldn’t get in there quick enough. I put my swimwear on, swapped my TENS machine for gas and air and by 12:15, I was in the pool. I was absolutely full of smiles and felt ridiculously calm and happy for someone so far into labour. I felt like a different person. Kate did my hair for me and I felt ready for this next stage. Inbetween contractions I snacked, chatted, laughed, listened to my music and enjoyed the company of my team. I even watched videos of Otis playing that my friend had sent to Andy and they made me smile so much. He was having the best time and that was so reassuring. I missed him so badly, but I could see he wasn’t missing us at all! He was hoovering her kitchen and playing with her daughter and having lots of fun.

Whilst in the pool, Andy and my Mam took it in turns being beside me, holding my hand and talking me through contractions. My Mam was great at reminding me to control my breathing and after every contraction Kate listened to baby and reassured me that all was ok. Over the next few hours in the pool my contractions got closer together and lasted for longer. They hadn’t really had any pattern until that stage. I got really sleepy as I was tired and also dizzy from the gas and air. I was worried Kate would want to take me out of the pool so I fought hard to keep myself awake. But the hours went quickly and it wasn’t long before I was at the point of thinking (and saying!) “I can’t do this” and “it hurts too much”. Id been sat in the water with my back to the side of the pool, pushing into it with every contraction. Then all of a sudden my body started pushing and I instinctively swung myself around so I was now facing the outside of the pool, holding on to the metal handles and knelt upright and told everyone “I’m pushing!”. It caught me by surprise. I hadn’t thought about it, my body just did it. Kate encouraged me to listen to my body and push as I needed to and kept me informed of what was going on. My waters still hadn’t broken and so I had bulging membranes that wanted pushing out too. During this time I’d asked my Mam to take a photo as I wanted to see my baby still in the waters and she told Andy to look too so my dad took the role of sitting infront of me and helping me through. He told me “you’re doing amazing” and when I said “I can’t do it” he told me “yes you can, you’re doing it”. I was pushing for less than half an hour before Eddison’s head was born. Eddison was born in his waters and so Kate broke them as his head emerged. The 3 minute gap felt like ages before the next contraction to push his body out, which was an easier task than the head had been!


Before I knew it, my baby had appeared in the water in front of me and Kate helped me lift him into my arms and she held us both. We’d agreed that Andy would announce the gender, but I couldn’t help myself and straight away lifted his legs up and told them all “it’s a boy!”.

I felt that instant rush of love as I looked down at my perfect baby boy, who was now here in my arms that had longed to hold him for months and I was relieved my labour was over. I’d had my perfect water birth…

Then things got complicated.

My labour story | part 4: after birth

Please note: this part comes with a trigger warning of trauma. Please don’t read if you are pregnant & feeling vulnerable.

I’ve found this part difficult to write and so I’m just going to come out and say the worst bit: I thought my baby was stillborn.

In the pool I looked down at my new baby with emotion and I was relieved my labour was over. I’d had my perfect water birth & I was elated. But in the few seconds I spent looking at him I realised something was wrong. My floppy, purple, silent baby was also not breathing. (I was told later that his cord has been wrapped around his neck). I felt sick and frozen with fear as the resus team was called in, Eddison was cut from me quickly (not by Andy) and my baby was taken to the other side of the room where I couldn’t see him. I managed to get a glimpse of him between people and saw him being rubbed in a towel like a little puppy. I was then asked to get out of the pool to deliver the placenta and as I stood up, blood just fell & surrounded me. I had a large haemorrhage & lost approx 1.2 litres of blood. As I stood in the pool I looked over to Andy who was stood on the middle of myself and Eddison, looking back and forth between us both and crying his eyes out. He looked terrified and his face haunts me still. Eddison came round quickly though and was given straight to Andy for skin to skin.

What happened next was a bit of a blur to be honest. I was taken to the bed and Kate gave me the choice to push the placenta out or for it to be pulled. Well after the trauma of it being pulled after Otis and the cord snapping and the placenta getting stuck, I wasn’t going to take that chance again and pushed as much as I could before answering Kate. It came out fine and I said I don’t want to keep the placenta but would like to see it. Kate calmly told me about the plans to take me to hospital and told me she would come with me, not to worry and that I would be ok. I didn’t feel ok though, I felt terrified. I thought I would die and I thought of Otis and Eddison and how I didn’t want to leave them without a Mum. I called to my Mam that I was scared, but when I saw her I could see she looked scared too. The paramedics were quickly in the room and were so lovely with me, explaining a drug they were giving me and what would happen next. All the staff that were in the room were calm and quiet and that helped me to stay calm too. Eddison was placed on the bed next to me for a bit of skin to skin before he was taken by his own ambulance to hospital (with Andy) and I was taken in another one. Being separated from him was torture.

The tone changed at hospital; the staff seemed flustered & dramatic & prodded/poked me unnecessarily. Their panic led me to ask that they keep Andy outside the room as I didn’t want him to see them all and panic more. I wanted to protect him after seeing him so distraught in the birth centre and was really angered to hear afterwards that someone went outside to tell him “she’s ok, but she doesn’t want you in the room”. That breaks my heart because it’s not that I didn’t want him there, I just didn’t want him to panic. If I’d arrived and the staff had been calm and reassuring, I wouldn’t have thought twice about having him in there. He stayed in the corridor with Eddison whilst they put me on 2 drips, took blood, dug about for clots (unnecessarily as there weren’t any!) and stitched me up. I kept telling them I felt shocked and that I wanted to breastfeed my baby.


When Andy came into the room I was so relieved to see him and Eddison and after being weighed, Eddison was handed to me for my first proper cuddle. And I just broke down immediately. They were tears of many emotions: happiness, trauma, shock and just relief that I now had my baby with me. My mam came and held me as I cried. I nursed him straight away and instantly felt my body calm again.

The legend that is Kate had put my placenta in a bag and brought it to hospital with us so that I could see it. I was really interested to see that because Eddison was overdue, parts of it had already started turning grey and gristly. The hospital midwife talked me through it and I found it fascinating looking at the thing that gave my baby life for 9 months.


Kate had explained to the hospital midwife my experience last time at the hospital and how I felt it had been traumatic and she made sure to protect me. They allowed my dad into the room and then allowed my 2 sisters, brother and brother-in-law to visit although it was against the hospital rules. They had driven an hour and a half and had been sat in the car park for hours and I was so happy to see them all, I can’t express how their presence helped me to feel like myself again. Nobody rushed them out and I loved seeing them each hold Eddison for the first time.

Kate had also arranged for me to be taken to the birth centre ward instead of the main ward and this was such a thoughtful move which really did help me heal emotionally. I was given plenty of time to shower before being taken to the ward in a wheelchair with my baby in my arms, where I had such lovely care and a great experience before I was discharged less than 24 hours later.


Eddison is 1 month old

16th February 2020



To our Littlest Pea, Eddison

Today you are 1 month old. Already? How?! I just don’t know. I feel like I only gave birth to you last week, I’m so not ready for you to be 1 month old already. This has genuinely been the fastest month of my life and I feel confused trying to work out how it went so fast. I wasn’t prepared to lose the days so quick and every day I see changes in you. I’m so excited to see you grow up though and make memories with you, but I wish time wouldn’t steal these moments of you being so small away from us.

Not only has it been the fastest month of my life, but it’s been the most special too. You have brought so much happiness and excitement to us already and brought out a new side to Otis too, in his role as your big brother. We all adore you and love you so much!

Love from Mummy xx


14th February 2020



Love is……

…finding my own happiness in your happiness.

… wanting to treasure and capture every moment with you.

… letting you dominate the topic of every adult conversation I have, even if it means talking about poop!

… feeling like I want a break, but as soon as I leave the room I miss you.

… being so proud of your every achievement, no matter how small.

… knowing I would give you my everything in a heartbeat.

… breaking my heart over you growing out of yet another size of clothing.

… wanting to show off photos of you to everyone, even someone I meet on a train.

… beating myself up if you fall and I don’t manage to catch you in time.

… holding you in the warmest cuddles and never wanting the moment to end.

… planning my whole social life around what activities you would enjoy.

…. YOU. That’s what love is…. you!

What’s in a name?

29th January 2020



Eddison Mark Peacock – this is the name we have given you. But I sit and look at you in wonder of what name you will make for yourself.

Will you grow up to be recognised as loving?

Will you have a reputation of being kind?

Will people know you love to explore?

What will your name represent? What will people think of when they hear your name? What will they associate with you?

I have so many questions about your future and I’m so excited to see how you grow and who you become. But for now I will soak up your newness, our little Eddison 💙